a little hello
Sent: Mon, Feb 2, 2015 at 5:47 am
Suddenly you came into my mind, so here I am:
How are you doing?
Any Challenges going on?
Bliss, fear, joy, sadness, passion, madness,stillness, noise, all the crazy life and you contain limitlessly.
I am still in Italy.
Just some days ago I experienced my first winter day of this winter, even snow fell and all melted into this beautiful stillness which isn’t as still as you’d think if you tune your awareness and consciousness into it, keen, and hear the sounds and within them, again stillness. And so on and so forth.
Before the „snowday“ I was often in the feeling of spring. The nature here is wild somehow, there are wild boars and deers which appear much bigger to me than in Austria. There are strange trees which are covered by a light green form of moss or fungus, which if you have a closer look, could be corals in the ocean as well.
The sky and lightplays in tuscany are touching, soothing and make hearts tremble, but there were also storms, hail and even an earthquake which literally shook everything up. In this vastness and openness I experience the vastness I am, sometimes beautiful sometimes it feels like torture, until the point that the I or me cease to exist.
It is a constant back and forth, up and down, inside-out, yet all embedded in a dynamic stillness, which is there even if my furious mind and ego absolutely can’t see or feel it.
If one thinks a retreat has to be sweet, comfortable and nourishing, the tool for more joy and peace, he may be wrong. If you enter into all that you are, into universe, also entering into different aspects of you who either fight or hold onto beloved concepts, it can get at times quite discomforting if not unbearable in a felt sense.
But then again being relieved by the song of a bird, the deep blue sky or Lenny [K.’s dog] who runs like mad, with a joy and bliss which is nothing else than contagious. It springs over no matter how you have felt a second before.
I send you a sweet embrace and love
RE: a little hello
Sent: Sun, Feb 8, 2015 at 2:26 pm
I am so touched by your message. Your words made me smell winter and hear the crispy sounds of your feet walking through fresh fallen snow. It’s finally arrived here too but since I’m in the city that whole winter business isn’t quite so romantic unfortunately…
The vastness you describe just reached me through every word ~
I remember this vastness from crying my way from complete devastation back into joy on my silk carpet (yay, I have a silk carpet for dramatic break-downs, nice!!!) when I realized I had invested all my energy, all my aspirations, into some things that were never going to happen.
This was the climax of a whole string of events that simply broke my heart relentlessly – I was broken open to this reality, to this Vastness, to this Stillness, to this Surrender.
This happened about 1 1/2 years ago and right now thanks to your letter I realized something new happened with my experience of Vastness.
I want to put that inner knowing to good use.
In full realization that nothing lasts and everything changes, I have this one desire: to create within and fill that Vastness. EXPRESSION!!!
In other words: from that Vastness I feel my work is now to return into the „confines“ of my city, my relationships, my work. To dig my heels into solid ground and be steady, present and practical.
My current triumphs: I feel like I’m actually beginning to embody my Soul. I cannot explain how happy this makes me. It feels like living my purpose, like being right on track and always close to Source (well, most of the time). I am proud of this in a very „private“ way – coz‘ well, I don’t know who else would care but me :)
My current difficulties: I’d like to move and my finances feel too restricted to do so at the moment. I don’t know whether it’s not the perfect time yet OR whether I am postponing something I could already do. Argh. My current strategy is to be perfectly honest with myself and grab every opportunity that comes.
Current blessing: I AM FEELING MY GUT!!! By god, this is something I have been wanting for decades (yes, decades!). I longed for a relationship with my belly, gut and its wisdom. Well, I had a relationship with them to be honest, but it was based on distrust and hatred. I started simply placing my hands on my belly and placing my awareness their before every meal, and from there, things simply started changing.
Fun surprises: I am rediscovering Pranic Healing (or External Medical Chi Kung), which was one of the first healing modalities I learned, right after Hatha Yoga. I’m beginning to sense different qualities of my Aura, the Chakras, the cleansing webs of chakras and other fascinating fairyglitter stuff. It feels really good to be a hippie.
Excellent ideas: I started having „let’s get together to brush our hair and massage our feet“-dates with my ladies. It sounds like somebody’s wet dream (I guess it actually is), but we all stay dressed even though we do a lot of sighing. This was probably the best idea in my whole entire life. We just give each other tingles and massages and coffee and tea and when we part each of us is a whole new person.
So now that I sum it up for you, I see that life is actually really really good at the moment. And since the moment is all there is, LIFE IS GOOD. Win!
I send you much much love and blessings!
P.S.: Hug Lenny from me, of course!