As I stepped under the shower today after a sweet, rejuvenating Sunday morning practice, the sun came out and illuminated the bathroom. Standing there, literally bathing in sunlight, I thought I had found a fitting image to wrap up the events of this week.
The week before, I had come to a point with my work where I felt completely (but completely!) lost in the woods. I couldn’t find my way, only knowing that there was no turning back, and I was exhausted from confusion, doubts, panic, and despair. In fact I was so exhausted that all I could do was to ask for a miracle. „Hey there, universe“, I said, „I’m done with fighting. Pull me out of here!“
And the miracle hit me with full force this week. It’s like standing in the shower with the sun in your face. Fears and blockages are washed away while it’s raining support, ideas and good friends from above. I can’t help smiling. I couldn’t help smiling under the shower.
My Yoga practice has mostly been a practice to help the miracle come along inside of me. That included melting resistance against good things happening to me (this weird part of us all that doesn’t believe we deserve beauty coming easily and freely to us); and then releasing locked-up hurt from my inside. Backbends, backbends, backbends!
BTW, I have an inbuilt resistance against backbends, although I know from experience they make me feel SPLENDID. This should serve as an example of how we sometimes stand in the way of our own wellbeing.
There was a moment in class this week, where I was in a tiny Camel-pose-ish Asana, when I felt my chest crack open like a nut shell and a well of dry tears and sobs pouring out of it. It just took that tiny back bend to morph me into a helpless blob with nowhere to hide.
Similar things happened in my home practice.
I feel so light now, so grateful. I know that life is constantly conspiring to give each and everyone of us the experiences we need to step into beauty, harmony, ease – to step into our own power and share it.
Today, I would like to thank all those who helped along the way, who supported me to give birth to yet another miracle. I feel close to all of you, alive and passed away, living close to me or in a different realm altogether.
Thank you. My heart beats for you today.