where is my mind? – Week 6

I had my first Ayurvedic massage this week. I picked something simple and easy; a face massage – Mukhabhyanga for the Sanskrit-nerds amongst us – and it was literally mind-boggling. Not only did the masseur emit very comforting and grounding energy, but he also had an incredible sensitivity for my boundaries and problematic areas. My right ear was such an area. While he was working on it, I felt a hauling and pulling and pushing of the energies in and around it. „Phew!“, the guy says at some point, „I don’t know what you’ve been doing the past weeks, but it seems you must have been engorging yourself on mental input!“ I have to laugh because he is so right. While he’s massaging, I feel a pain forming inside my right ear. During the next minute I sense the aching spot wandering up the right side of my head to finally pin itself right next to the crown, getting stronger. I tell the masseur, he lifts my head, rests it down again, does some gentle movements and the headache dissolves.

This made me think about miraculous healing and the „special effects“ of energy work. When I was starting energy work and similar practices some 6 years ago, I often worried about the fact that I didn’t feel enough for my taste and that I couldn’t see „pink elephants“ floating in the room, no matter how hard I tried. :) Today I understand that energy work does its job no matter what, and that it is even a good sign to not feel it happening, or at least to feel very little.

When I got this massage last Tuesday, I had been in an exceptionally low state of energy for quite some time. Naturally, the change of frequency that my body went through during this massage was pretty big. This led to very strong physical sensations. I still didn’t see pink elephants. But I got a phantom headache and I felt the energy flowing through the guy’s hands very strongly, etc. etc.

˜*˜

As I began to delve deeper into Yoga, my overall energy level started to change. You could say I started to resonate on a higher frequency. There were benefits on the material/physical level as well: I felt more aware and calm, I didn’t tire so easily, I naturally developed better eating habits and so on. At the same time, I felt less and less happening on an energetical level when I was doing asanas or meditating. The simple reason behind this was that my entire being had absorbed and assimilated the changes brought to it through Yoga practice. The gap between ‚everyday life‚ and ‚Yoga practice‚ had started to close. The number of steps to climb to get from the first to the latter became less and less. Consequentially, the differences and changes became more and more subtle.

At the present moment, however, I am facing a new challenge. I know this because I have reached a point of seeming stagnation. I’m on the mat and my mind is taking a walk. It’s strolling around like a little puppy, checking out its territory, sniffing, chasing butterflies, looking at the clouds… Hm… And then eventually I wake up realizing I’m on my mat, breathing rather superficially in a Bound Angle pose. Aha… So I pull it back. I’m there for two or three breaths. Again, the puppy emerges, takes me to follow the clouds, think of some friends, or of a blog I read yesterday, or of something I have to do, or I check out the fly sitting on the window… Hmmm… And then, bam!, I wake up, finding myself breathing rather shakily in Boat Pose. Ok. Again. Pull it back. Check in with the breath. And then, plop!, I spend half a minute in complete surrender, stillness, oneness… Until the puppy emerges again.

Sometime I get angry at myself when I catch my mind being completely elsewhere than the rest of my being. There seems to be stagnation regarding my ability to concentrate. But no, I tell myself, this only means that I’m ready to move on to a higher level now and my mind has to overcome a greater amount of steps to reach it.

The only ’solution‘ I can come up with is to accept. I accept the fact that for now, my practice can be called a good stretching rather than Yoga. I trust the fact that all I’ll have to do is to be persistent. Come back daily. Gently pull back my awareness every few seconds. Breathe through it all. And never, never forget to smile!

Back to the Journey of Yoga

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